Sorry Bellville

Yoh, I can't believe it's June. I barely have two months left. That in itself is something to hysterically cry about. Anyway, before I move onto Part Three Of things i'll be greetin' about, I've really got to tell you what happened in Bellville. As entertaining as it may be have been, I'd rather visit the witch doctor. The following incident may be the result of my own karma. 

We were in Bellville and we were waiting to board our train. The crowd was growing  by the second, rush hour was at it's peak. The train arrived, the doors opened. People -illegally- crossed tracks and others hurried along the platform. These platforms aren't quite your 9 and 3/4, they are INSANE. It was an every-man-for-himself battle. Within a few, slightly confused seconds, everything's fine and you're on the train. Success. That's when the uproar breaks out. Phones, plural, were stolen. The particular culprits are some-what notorious. They board the train and swipe everything before doing a hop off and walk off. For the first time in my life, I laughed because I was in shock. I would like to use this space to say "Cheers Mum!" If everyone had baby socks sewn into their bra's, everyone would still have a phone. You're a genius, I suppose.

This whole situation is either karma for my glorifying the metro-rail or karma for my dissing the witch doctor's. If you're thinking what-is-she-on-about click here. 

I'm going to write about a nearby Township that's reached the news recently. It will be in my next post, so watch this space. I'll save thing's i'll be greetin' about for another time.

Until next time...

Belville's Bewitched but it's my Birthday

Today I turn twenty, yeesh. 

I'm on night shift. What a unique birthday, welcoming the day with bug eyes, exhaustion and a 4pm wake up. This blog is going to be very sarcastic because I'm in a very sarcastic mood. It's called denial. You will know why? soon enough. I'm actually glad I'm on night shift, it's a nice way to grow old.

I had dinner in Belville today, that was a first. Belville is that town that you can't avoid but don't deliberately linger in. It's a dusty, bustling town bursting with market shops and "safe abortion" signs. The strange thing is... I really enjoy this town. It's unique-dodgy-ness rather attracts me. While squeezing my way through the streets, a little white flyer was handed to me. 

"Get healed completely with our Powerful Herbs from Africa. The impossible...is possible" 

It then goes on to tell me how I could be completely cured of Diabetes, bad debts, my bewitched curse and mad people. I could also purchase a potion for good luck, a magic wallet and a larger penis. That was a joke. How fantastic is that? I'll put down my R50 Consultation Fee right away. That was also a joke. Anyway, I had a lovely day. It was a nice change of scenery.

Moving on, my budgie died. I know what your thinking. Didn't my child-hood-dog-come-best-friend-lover just die Yes. Well, so did my only two gold fish and my Canary. Maybe I will put down that consultation fee...

I really need to cry but I can't because I'm on night shift. I'll hold it in and then explode into tears of sorrow tomorrow. Bert dying was the cherry on top of my already crumbling cake of emotions. It's hit me even harder now that my Goldfish, Dog and rash decision of a Canary are all gone. Home will be lonely without them.

Speaking of home, that's where I'm going in August. I went to the Somerset West Immigration office today - in person. I knew I could only let go of my South African hopes and dreams if someone crushed them for me - in person. That's exactly what happened as the immigration officer skimmed over the lines of requirements, leaving highlighted not gonna happen's behind. I have a Plan B... I'll share it with you soon. 

Ah, sweet nightshift. I'm not in my usual house tonight. I'm with the slightly younger teenagers that like to play who's boss. Anyway, one of them just walked into another's bedroom - seemingly innocent until she slapped a sleeping girl across the face. Harsh! The eagle has gone back to bed, her prey is weeping under the duvet. I've writen a memo. All will be swiftly forgotten. 

There's not much else to say. 

To chase away your tokoloshe, please call (+27) 0786675543.